A brown-out is not a form of political protest against a new head of state, but a term used by workers in the electricity industry to describe power reductions that fall short of a complete blackout - bulbs dim, kettles take ages to boil, tv pictures shrink and lots of other stuff just stops working.
Well... I've been getting brown-outs, sudden bouts of fatigue - not just ordinary tiredness, but a sense that if I don't stop doing what I'm doing and rest right now, I will collapse. My brown-outs always happen in the afternoon - usually around four or five-o-clock - and the only way I can cope is to sleep for a while. Sometimes a ten minute nap will do, but recently I have been waking after several hours, having intended to have a short restorative doze.
Fatigue is one of the main symptoms of rheumatoid arthritis - for many, unaccountable tiredness is one of the earliest and most distressing signs of the onset of RA. Quite why fatigue has been affecting me so badly again, is difficult to know - maybe the underlying disease process is very active? I've had to up the dose of the main drug I take - and that has made me feel pretty lousy at times. Also I seem to have taken on too much (see my last post) and I certainly overdid things a few weekends back.
I've had lots of anxiety-provoking things happen recently. In some ways the anxiety has been the worst thing of all, because it feeds on itself, working away insidiously, robbing me of energy at a level at which I'm barely aware. And for me, anxiety points towards depression - and it takes a lot of energy to fight that decline. Studies show that around three-quarters of people with RA experience moderate to serious depression.
However, I feel I may be having a lucky escape - last night I slept solidly for seven hours, despite sleeping for four hours during the day yesterday (and the day before that). I woke this morning feeling truly refreshed, and as well as I've felt for ages. I turned on the radio and the first thing I heard was that Alan Johnson had been released... it is so important that news keeps coming from places like Gaza where ordinary people suffer terrible deprivation and oppression. Unhindered, fearless press access and comment is central to the maintenance of decent societies. Alan Johnson's release is a bright point of light at a time when trust between differing communities is under threat. It gives me great pleasure to be able to remove the "free Alan Johnson" banner from my blog!
So.... a good start to the day. Later I'm off to see Spiers and Boden play - they are among the most imaginative and skilled of musicians playing in Britain today and are a joy to see live. Then... a couple of days off travelling with my lovely Pen, who is simply the best partner I can imagine for me.
Not out of the woods yet, but I'm heading for higher and brighter land.
Sorry to have not been around for a while - there are people (not least fellow mind-blogglers) to whom I would like to have given more support recently, but, I suppose you can only do what you can do....
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
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10 comments:
Hi Tone-
Always glad to see a blog from you. I'm sorry to read that you've had a tough time of things.
Your chronic fatigue conflicting with your desire to keep active must be quite the source of frustration for you.
I suppose, that a times, you take too much on. I know that your activities relate to helping others, these are admirable qualities. However, you must hopefully find the right balance to maintain some form of decent health. I wouldn't want to see you stressed-out.
Nice to know that you had a refreshing sleep. How vital it is to recharge our batteries. Let's hope this pattern continues for you.
I sleep very little. Thus I heard the breaking news at about 2:00 A.M., on Radio 5 Live, regarding the release of Alan Johnson. I could detect the genuine pleasure of the announcer. Nice to hear about a happy ending.
"Brown-out" and to think he just became Prime Minister. Brown-out, browned-off..hmmmm. I believe the Stranglers did a song about our new Prime Minister, titled 'Gordon Brown'.
Stay positive Tone. All the best. adanac67
Hi Tone,
I've been missing you. Good to hear that you've had a better night, hope they continued. I know what you mean about the anxiety - keep fighting it my dear fella and heading for the 'higher and brighter land' (I like that).
I was delighted to hear about the safe release of Alan Johnston. I got the impression this man has the greatest respect from everyone he's ever been in contact with. Hope they manage to highlight the plight of other journalists held captive.
Hope to see you soon Tone. mx.
Lovely T,
Anxiety has the ability to rob even the most robust of us of our energy - and of our feelings of stability - so well done you for taking the time to fight back, and best of luck with your journey to 'higher and brighter land'.
Those people who might have missed your support are very aware of all your efforts to 'do what you can do', and eternally gratefull for all the support you have already given...Take Care.x
Hi Tone,
I am really sorry to hear that you have been feeling so unwell of late. (both emotionally and physically) Myself and many others I am sure, have missed you a great deal. Take good care of yourself, and I look forward to seeing you very soon. D x
hello u,
brown out, that reminds me of that noise that they played on southpark! ha ha (if u didn't c it u prob think i'm slightly strange now!(but that presumes that you don't already!))
crickey it must be a real hard to av 2 deal with all this tone, i feel 4 u ever such a lot.
i know that this may be useless advice because well i havn't even got a clue how it must be to feel to be u, as no1 does of any1 really in that case,
but here goes, when i feel as though the walls are closing in & its just 1 thing after another building up i find it useful to use what bit of energy i have left to identify what it is that is in my power to change or do that will make me happy(er) because the things that crop up often can't be predicted or controled they just have to be toughed out really (& what a trooper u must be in that case)
but there are often lots of things no matter how small that are in our power to change and control, that go un noticed unless ya seek um out. all the small things ya do that ya do in that case collectively act to turn down the heat a bit!
so really thats just a long winded way of sayin look out for yourself tone & do the things ya enjoy to do health permittin!
Actually whilst i'm commenting slightly cheeky but i'd like to pick your mooooosive brain about a digital camera.
as u no i don't wanna spend a great lot, but i'm going away on hols soon & there is a Kodak C613 easy share camera that seems quite cheap but i didn't want to invest in a white elephant!
don't spose ya'v got any gems of wisdom to send my way. No biggy if not
jut concentrate on taking care of yourself both physically & mentaly tone!
purkul
x
hya tone,
just ta let you know i tried to reply to your email but for sum unknown reason it won't send!
purkul
x
hello tone,
i just wanted to say a massive well done for the radio interview. you and klahanie are absolute stars.
Purkul
x
Hey Tone-
Thanks for being a part of that awesome, but somewhat nerve-wracking experience the other night. Talk about facing the fear.
It helped a lot that we were both on together.
Let's hope this increases the awareness of the mindbloggling community. Undaunted,we challenge the stigma. It is my honour to know you Tone.
Warm wishes Gary.
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