no more Mr FineGuy...
...I've just realised I must stop saying I'm fine when I'm not. Being positive when you are ill is really important - but feeling guilty about being ill, and then lying to protect other people having to deal with the facts of illness, is wrong.
A few weeks back when I was telling a friend that I was trying to stay positive - he said "Yes - you don't want to be an energy Hoover." I agreed at the time, but now I'm pissed off and I don't know how to tell him. Another friend said in an email to Pen (my partner), "it's bad for Tony, but it must be worse for you." It is bad for Pen - but it doesn't take much thought to realise that it's likely to be worse for me.
People who are sick and disabled are marginalised enough in society, and yet we are expected to pretend everything is fine so as not to bring other people down.
So if you don't want to really hear how I am, don't ask - you just might hear that I'm feeling lousy today.
4 comments:
I agree Tone. Say it how it is.
hya,
i think your dead right! i can't put my self in your place exactly but i can understand the sentiment in gereral.
i find myself thinking of others and their reactions to things so much that it has prob become automatic for me to become detached from my actual reactions if you get me.
but the funny thing is i would much rather hear it like it is from someone, good or bad because 9 times out of 10 i can tell wen somethings up anyway!
just try to keep on keeping on!
purkul
x
Ta both for your support - I was really anxious about putting this in a post - it feels selfish and critical (not that I think either person is likely to see the post).
It was great to see you both yesterday - I hope you both have a really good christmas and very happy new year - and I look forward to reading your christmas day posts - Tone xxx
This post resonates so loudly with me.
I made the costly mistake of trusting a friend ( my best friend ) with the warts and all side of my mental illness. I was brutally honest. Perhaps in some misguided idea that she would get an insight and better be able to understand why I am the way I am etc etc.. She could not face or cope with my suffering and withdrew her support and friendship. That was last February. I am still hurting.
Anyway, because of that experience I will always put on a brave face and answer 'fine' with a smile - even with the professionals.
Yet, I am left with a huge sense of guilt and shame that I am ill and there is such isolation.
But I like your attitude - unfortunately I am not as strong. But then, I have my blog where i can express myself.
Post a Comment